“Mom, I’m a rolling stone, I know I ain’t been home, I’m better on my own, I’m grown“
– Ricky Hill – M.O.M.
“Mom, I’m a rolling stone, I know I ain’t been home, I’m better on my own, I’m grown“
– Ricky Hill – M.O.M.
Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.
Being a part of the Diplomat Role group, Mediators are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – Mediators are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the Mediator personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings, and it can lead to isolation.
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost.
At their best, these qualities enable Mediators to communicate deeply with others, easily speaking in metaphors and parables, and understanding and creating symbols to share their ideas. Fantasy worlds in particular fascinate Mediators, more than any other personality type. The strength of their visionary communication style lends itself well to creative works, and it comes as no surprise that many famous Mediators are poets, writers and actors. Understanding themselves and their place in the world is important to Mediators, and they explore these ideas by projecting themselves into their work.
Mediators’ ability with language doesn’t stop with their native tongue, either – as with most people who share the Diplomat personality types, they are considered gifted when it comes to learning a second (or third!) language. Their gift for communication also lends itself well to Mediators’ desire for harmony, a recurring theme with Diplomats, and helps them to move forward as they find their calling.
Unlike their Extraverted cousins though, Mediators will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. This is a sad sight for Mediators’ friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.
If they are not careful, Mediators can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. Mediators often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, Mediators may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.
Luckily, like the flowers in spring, Mediator’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back, rewarding them and those they love perhaps not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go.
Mediators are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, Mediators dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the Mediator personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.
Fortunately these are qualities that Mediators are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, Mediators’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.
But Mediators aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, Mediators will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with Mediators’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with Mediators likely sighing that “it wasn’t meant to be.”
As a relationship takes hold, people with the Mediator personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. Mediators take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While Mediators are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. Mediators would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as Mediators themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.
This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for Mediators to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, Mediators are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and Mediators should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt.
But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, Mediators do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. Mediators take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that Mediators truly feel the most pleasure.
The true friends of people with the Mediator personality type tend to be few and far between, but those that make the cut are often friends for life. The challenge is the many dualities that this type harbors when it comes to being sociable – Mediators crave the depth of mutual human understanding, but tire easily in social situations; they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations, but are often unwilling to provide others the same insight into themselves – it’s as though Mediators like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.
In a lot of ways, this limits the potential pool of friends to other types in the Diplomat Role group, who are able to pick up on the subtle clues left by their Mediator friends, and who are more likely than not to enjoy something of a human enigma. A friendship with a Turbulent Executive (ESTJ-T) on the other hand, governed by social conventions and community participation as they are, would almost be a non-sequitur – though Mediators may find the idea of being paired with their opposite fascinating enough to outweigh the practical challenges to such a friendship.
To top it all off, ideas like networking and “the friend of my friend is my friend” hold little weight with Mediators. Friendships are earned on their own merit, by dint of the intuitive respect Mediators have for those with similar principles and values, rather than more practical alignments like those of coworkers. Mediators’ tendency to protect their sensitive inner cores and values from criticism, especially if they are on the more turbulent side of the spectrum, means that acquaintances will likely get nowhere near them without sustained and tactful effort.
But, if Mediators’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. Mediators’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow. But even the most confident and assertive Mediators will only be able to keep up this relaxed and present exterior for so long.
Mediators will always need to disappear for a while, removing themselves from others so they can re-center on their own minds and feelings. Often enough people with the Mediator personality type will emerge from this time alone having come to some momentous decision that even their closest friends didn’t know was weighing on them, evading even the option of receiving the sort of support and advice they so readily give. Such is Mediators’ way, for better or for worse.
People who share the Mediator personality type share a tendency to not only strive to learn and grow as principled, moral individuals, but to bring likeminded people on that journey with them. In their own subtle, often shy way, Mediators want to lead others forward, as kindred spirits – they will find no greater opportunity for this than in parenthood.
From the start, Mediator parents are warm, loving and supportive, and take immeasurable joy in the wide-eyed wonder of their children as they explore, learn, and grow. People with the Mediator personality type will give their children the freedom they need to do this, keeping an open mind and letting their children gain their own sense of understanding. At the same time, Mediator parents will try to provide a backdrop to this freedom and experience, establishing a set of morals and values that guide that liberty with a sense of personal responsibility.
However, this sense of responsibility has a harder side – if their children fall foul of their Mediator parents’ values, it will not be taken lightly. People with the Mediator personality type take their responsibilities in parenthood seriously, and in this measure above all others.
In some ways, Mediators’ tendency to hide their inner selves from view can be an advantage in parenting, as they are able to portray themselves as good role models on the outside, shielding their loved ones not just from their own occasional anger and depression, but from the broader evils in the world as well. This helps Mediators to demonstrate outwardly the moral lessons they want their children to adopt, and at the same time to establish a sense of harmony in the household.
The biggest challenge for Mediator parents, especially more Turbulent types who often have even more trouble with self-doubt than most, is to establish more practical and day-to-day structures and rules. Mediators may be able to convey the abstract value of honesty with remarkable skill, but it’s not always easy to equate that idea with the practical reality of their children being home from the movies when they said they were going to be, and it’s especially challenging when these misunderstandings result in conflict. In these situations, Mediator personalities do best with a partner who is able to play a stronger hand in more administrative tasks than they can, so they can focus on the underlying spirit of those rules.
It is perhaps more challenging for Mediators to find a satisfying career than any other type. Though intelligent, the regimented learning style of most schools makes long years earning an advanced degree a formidable undertaking for people with the Mediator personality type – at the same time, that’s often what’s needed to advance in a field that rings true for them. Mediators often wish that they could just be, doing what they love without the stress and rigor of professional life.
Oftentimes, as with so many things, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, in a line of work that begins with passion and dedication, but which comes to require training so that the academia feels intimately linked to that passion. Too many Mediators drift in frustration, ultimately succumbing to the necessities of day-to-day life in a job that wasn’t meant for them. But it turns out that, despite such exacting demands, modern economics places a premium on the very keys to Mediators’ challenges: their creativity, independence, and need for meaningful relationships with individuals who need their help.
First and foremost is seemingly every Mediators’ dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one, and there are many viable options for freedom-loving Mediators. The internet brings to the world the opportunities of blogging and freelance work – as organizations expand their reach beyond their native tongues, they will come to depend on Mediator personality types, with their gift for language and written expression, to take their rougher translations and stale pitches and inject them with a sense of beauty and poetry. Smaller organizations will need more than ever to express with elegance the value they bring to local communities.
The real beauty here is that it takes a core interest that people with the Mediator personality type share, while helping a cause they believe in, independently, through creative expression and personal growth, and makes it applicable to any interest there is. There will always be a need, and now more than ever, to win people’s hearts and minds with the written word.
Some Mediators will prefer a still more personal touch, being able to work face-to-face with clients, seeing that their personal effort really impacts another’s quality of life. Service careers such as massage therapy, physical rehabilitation, counselling, social work, psychology and even academic roles and retraining can be exceptionally rewarding for Mediators, who take pride in the progress and growth they help to foster. People with the Mediator personality type have a tendency to put others’ interests ahead of their own, a mixed blessing by itself, but when a patient takes their first unaided step in the long road to recovery after an accident, nothing will feel more rewarding than that selflessness.
Where Mediators will not thrive is in a high-stress, team-heavy, busy environment that burdens them with bureaucracy and tedium. Mediators need to be able to work with creativity and consideration – high-pressure salespeople they are not. It can be a challenge to avoid these roles, as they are the basis for so much starting work, and it’s often a risk to break away into something less dependable, but more rewarding. To find a career that resonates with Mediators’ values though, that’s more than just a job, sometimes it’s just what needs to be done.
In the workplace, Mediators face the challenge of taking their work and their profession personally. To Mediators, if it isn’t worth doing, it isn’t really worth doing, and this sense of moral purpose in their work colors everything from how they respond to authority to how they express it. Though the way the Mediator personality type shows through depends on the position, there are a few basic truths about what Mediators seek in the workplace: they value harmony, need an emotional and moral connection to their work, and loathe bureaucratic tedium.
As subordinates, Mediators prefer latitude, and would much rather immerse themselves in a project, alone or with a close team, than simply be told what task to do and move on. People with the Mediator personality type aren’t looking for easy, forgettable work that pays the bills, they’re looking for meaningful work that they actually want to think about, and it helps for their managers to frame responsibilities in terms of emotional merit rather than cold rationalization or business for its own sake. Mediators would rather know that their work will help to deliver a service they believe in than to know that the bottom line has been boosted by 3%.
If these standards are met, managers will find an extremely dedicated and considerate employee in Mediators. As idealistic opportunity-seekers Mediators may not always work well in technical applications, where the facts and logic really matter and critique is often necessary, but they work beautifully in more human and creative endeavors. While some types, especially those in the Analyst Role group, respond favorably to negative feedback, taking criticism as an opportunity to not make the same mistake twice, people with the Mediator personality type would much rather hear what they did right and focus on what to do, rather than what not to.
Mediators feel most comfortable among colleagues – they aren’t interested in controlling others, and have a similar distaste for being controlled. Among their colleagues, Mediators will feel freer to share their ideas, and while they may maintain some psychological distance, they will make every effort to be pleasant, friendly and supportive – so long as their coworkers reciprocate. Mediators don’t like conflict or picking sides, and will do everything they can to maintain harmony and cooperation.
Most of this comes down to good communication, which Mediators prefer to conduct in person, for that personal touch, or in writing, where they can compose and perfect their statements. People with the Mediator personality type avoid using phones if they can, having the worst of both worlds, being both detached and uncomposed. Mediators also like to feel like their conversations are meaningful, and while they enjoy exploring philosophy more than most, their patience for arbitrary hypothetical brainstorming or dense technical discussions is limited.
As managers, Mediators are among the least likely to seem like managers – their egalitarian attitudes lend respect to every subordinate, preferring communication as human beings than as a boss/employee opposition. People with the Mediator personality type are flexible, open-minded and give their subordinates the tools they need, be they responsible delegation or an intuitive and receptive sounding board, to get the job done. Keeping their eyes on the horizon, Mediators set goals that achieve a desirable end, and help the people working under them to make that happen.
There is a downside to this style, as sometimes the boss just needs to be the boss. Mediators know how they feel about criticism, and are reluctant to subject others to that same experience, whether it’s needed or even welcome. Further complicating this role, when Mediators are under stress, as when someone really does warrant criticism, they can become extremely emotional – they may not show it, but it can affect their judgment, or even cause them to withdraw inwards, in ways that can really hold back their team.
Few personality types are as poetic and kind-hearted as Mediators. Their altruism and vivid imagination allow Mediators to overcome many challenging obstacles, more often than not brightening the lives of those around them. Mediators’ creativity is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet Mediators can be easily tripped up in areas where idealism and altruism are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, making friends, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder or planning for the future, Mediators need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
What you have read so far is just an introduction into the complex concept that is the Mediator personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, “wow, this is so accurate it’s a little creepy” or “finally, someone understands me!” You may have even asked “how do they know more about me than the people I’m closest to?”
This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We’ve studied how Mediators think and what they need to reach their full potential. And no, we did not spy on you – many of the challenges you’ve faced and will face in the future have been overcome by other Mediators. You simply need to learn how they succeeded.
But in order to do that, you need to have a plan, a personal roadmap. The best car in the world will not take you to the right place if you do not know where you want to go. We have told you how Mediators tend to behave in certain circumstances and what their key strengths and weaknesses are. Now we need to go much deeper into your personality type and answer “why?”, “how?” and “what if?”
This knowledge is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. Are you ready to learn why Mediators act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your true, exceptional potential?
Our premium profiles provide a roadmap towards a happier, more successful, and more versatile YOU! They are not for everyone though – you need to be willing and able to challenge yourself, to go beyond the obvious, to imagine and follow your own path instead of just going with the flow. If you want to take the reins into your own hands, we are here to help you.
While browsing my drawers in hope of finding something interesting to do, I noticed quite few empty notebooks which I bought for the pure purpose of writing something interesting inside them. So I decided that I shall do that today! (Although look at me now, updating this place – proves that I rely on comfort. It’s easier to move the fingers on the keyboard rather than write each letter in a sentence by hand, eh? Hate that. But that’s another topic to discuss)
For that I had to figure out what to start writing about. My head felt empty so I looked for inspiration and found the printed out pages from the Plath book. Started reading and ended up being triggred about this.
“Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived i was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable femininity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars – to be a part of scene, anonymous, listening, recording – all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night …
― Sylvia Plath,
I explained this to my mom since I’m trying to open up to people more so maybe they’ll understand me more. She said that Sylvia should have been born around this time so she wouldn’t be so trapped as she was back in 50’s. Well … that doesn’t really help now, does it. But I gave my mom a reply saying that things like that are still happening. I also tend to have interest in men because I just deeply want to understand them. I know women, I don’t know that much men. Yet it can be understood as I’m luring them into my “seduction”. I gave my mom a few examples where men gave up on keeping in touch with me after they learned I’m not sexually into them. Her reply?
” Well, maybe you didn’t have anything more to offer to them then if they lost the interest?”
That sentence gave me a lot of thinking material. A lot.
5th of Julyhttps://www.instagram.com/rupikaur_/
Yesterday while in a bookstore I realized that by picking random books and giving them a shot to impress me by reading either intro or random pages didn’t really work out. I am not sure where is my interest or what’s happening – maybe I had a bad luck. I couldn’t concentrate on any of the fiction books the store offered. In the end I found myself in a poetry area…. and I’m not really known to be interested in poetry and prose that much, although there are some tiny moments when I dive into that world quite deep. Yesterday it happened again. I found myself next to a bookshelf reading with a huge interest rupi kaur and her “milk and honey” (which turns out is the biggest thing ever on tumblr according to my friends). Those ideas were so familiar. I finally felt that I’m being understood or… I’m not really sure. I cannot say that the book was 10 out of 10 my life, not really. Quite opposite maybe. But still! The short words on a page could tell me so much more than long sentences in classic books. I felt such a satisfaction.
Especially I needed the healing part. To hear those words that I already know.
I am not sure what’s happening with me in the middle of this beautiful August, my feelings and thoughts are very mixed. Quite a few storms that need to be survived. I’m mostly afraid that while I’m trying to survive them I might cause other ones to rise.
Anyways, highly recommended by me. Just felt like writing it out.
I think that the biggest reason for now being very active on my own blog comes from the fact that I don’t have anything polished&shining to show here. To feel proud of. My mind is is like a photo of bubbles being captured by the camera – so many different things happening yet not a single one is big enough. So many sketches.
And of course if I don’t really spend time doing what this blog was made for then there’s no result to publish, hehe. It’s so much easier to just light up the candles, turn some good music on, drink a glass of red wine and for example explore what other artistic people have done or analyze song lyrics or doodle in a sketchbook etc.
I have a huge lot of pictures to cherish that were made this summer, maybe I should try to use them somehow. Let’s see about that. I’ve made a quick collage ( again, duh ) from pictures taken on Jaanipäev/Midsummer. (They were made by Ester tho)
A year ago I bought a book by Chuck Palahniuk called “Choke” just because it had a quote saying ” Art never comes from happiness”. The book was interesting although it had nothing to do with the quote itself ( to be honest I was a bit dissapointed how small detail it was in the whole story comparing to how big influence the sentence had on me).
And I still find it to be truest thing ever said. I like positivity, don’t get me wrong. But if I have to choose between a song that is expressing happiness or a song expressing sadness – you know on which side you’ll find me. And oh how much I wish I could change that. I’m trying all the time to create playlists on Spotify with songs that bring happiness or youth enjoyment or what not. Something to play when friends are around. I keep saying to myself: the rule is not to end up adding sad songs. IN THE END I STILL DO. They are just so beautiful. They are under my skin!
Just totally out of the blue gonna mention Mew – Comforting Sounds was the best song to experience live. The recorded version which can be found on their album is also magnificent, sure, will not argue with that. But damn the emotional flow that goes through the whole body while listening to the lead vocalist create those high sounds in the end!! Maybe it’s true, maybe UFO’s exists.
Alright, cool stuff to share:
ESTER is an amazing girl from Tartu whose pictures I deeply adore and they can be found on her own personal page : https://esterkaul.tumblr.com/
Once I open the browser that’s a page that is showing first on the “most visited sites”, I swear that I’m checking it almost every day or at least few times a week. The pictures come by events and moods, I guess, so I just have to wait for the right moment when she’s inspired again. Really cool!
Jesse Felker I found out about just recently and maybe that’s why its so freshly on my mind. His page is mostly, I guess, about adventure motorcycles ( which is also very cool) but I really like the way he portrayed the personal content which can be found: https://www.jessefelker.com/personal/
That part is propably my ” life goals” : nature, black Jeep, doggo, dirt bike and adventures.
I aspire to have other things in life also but you understand, right?
And the time is 01:42 am which means that I propably should go to sleep now if I want to help out my family tomorrow. Alright, I’ll try to be a better owner of a blog. (YEAH SURE)
I realized today that I cannot get this out of my mind. This part of the book raped my brain completely, I’m not able to heal from this brutal truth
” To yearn for an organism of the opposite sex to comprehend and heighten your thoughts and instincts, and to realize that most American males worship woman as a sex machine with rounded breasts and a convenient opening in the vagina, as a painted doll who shouldn’t have a thought in her pretty head other than cooking a steak dinner and comforting him in bed after a hard 9-5 day at a routine business job. * to realize that there are some men who like a girl as a companion in mind as well as body, and want to take picnics in the sunlight instead of parking on a dark road at midnight after an evening of sexual stimulation while walking around a crowded dance floor and embracing breast to breast, stomach to stomach. * to realize that just as you will meet one of the few whom you could learn to be companionable with, the War of Double Hate will blow his guts out for the sake of shedding the light of freedom on the darkened half of the oppressed peoples of the world. ”
― Sylvia Plath,